


The Witch's Red Convertible

by ShinyHalo115



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
Genre: Android, Flash Fiction, Some Humor, Wizard of Oz References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 19:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15955715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinyHalo115/pseuds/ShinyHalo115
Summary: An android gets caught up with the Cheshire Cat's desire for the witch's car.





	The Witch's Red Convertible

    Very recently in Wonderland the Cheshire Cat saw a witch driving a red convertible and fell in love.  Not with the witch, who was flat-out ugly, but with her car.  Unfortunately he had a limited supply of money, so he was going to need a plan, and the first step was not to think on an empty stomach.

    In a particular place called Townopolis, there was an engineer who built an android named TASA, which meant Tall And Shiny Android.  One day, TASA went to town to buy muffins for the engineer, but when he came out of the bakery, he saw a giant white rabbit steal his scooter.  "Now how will I get home?" said TASA.

    "Why don't you use the rockets that are in your feet?" said a voice from above.  TASA looked and saw the fat Cheshire Cat sitting on top of the wall that surrounded the whole town.

    "How did you know I have rockets in my feet?" asked TASA.

    "Because the baker was complaining that the engineer borrowed his jet pack and returned it without the rockets, which is probably why she sends you to the baker instead of going herself," the Cheshire Cat explained, and then he faded away and disappeared.

    "Curiouser and curiouser," said TASA, "why would a baker, who doesn't do deliveries, need a jetpack?"  TASA clicked his heels three times then soared into the sky.  "This is great! I don't know why the engineer insisted that I take the scooter."  Then the rockets in his feet started to "putter, putter, putter," and then finally go out.  TASA fell from the sky and was knocked out.  Later that day, it started to rain, and TASA became rusty.

    The next day the witch came out the the bakery absolutely mad as hornets.  "That thieving baker, he overcharges people because he's the only baker in town!  Especially since he won't allow other bakeries to open because he buys up all the flour."

    "Why don't you use your magic to make your own bread?" the Cheshire Cat asked.

    "Cheshire Cat, I knew there was something activating my allergies," said the witch. "I can only make stuff with my magic only three times a year, and I've already done it once this year, and I have an idea for the second time."  Her plan was to make a hat to turn someone evil enough to murder the baker.  She just needed to find the right person.

    When the witch was driving back to her castle, she saw TASA on the side of the road.  "Oh goody," said the witch, "forget killing just the baker, I can use my new personal android to destroy the town to make an even bigger castle for myself.  So the witch used her magic to make the Magical Murder Hat, which happens to also work on androids.  It was too bad she didn't know how to reprogram a droid, otherwise she could've saved her magic.  But when she placed it on TASA's head, he didn't move.  "Wait a minute," said the witch, "I do believe he can't move because of all the rain we've been having.  Luckily I have a magical oil can that can de-rust something in my trunk, in case my car is exposed to rain."

    So TASA was able to move and ready to destroy Townopolis.  "Now fly my pretty!" said the witch.  "Here, take the flame thrower so you can get things done more quickly."  TASA clicked his heels three times, went up into the air, puttered three times, then fell to the ground.  "Oh for Satan's sake, just take the scooter."

    First he destroyed the bakery, and no one much cared, then he moved on to the rest of the turn.  "Help!" cried the townspeople, "somebody save us from the Murderbot!"  The Cheshire Cat was watching this perched on the wall.  He realized that this was a perfect opportunity; if he saved the town, then they would be willing to give him a new car in gratitude.  Luckily he had the right costume for this occasion.

    The Cheshire Cat swooped through the air wearing a yellow cape with a black 'C' written on the back.  He turned the wheel of the fire hydrant (because that's how fire hydrants in Wonderland work) and a gush of water hit TASA and made him rust.  There was just something about Wonderland's water that made metal rust very quickly.  Fortunately, when the water his TASA, it knocked the Magical Murder Hat off of him.  

    "TASA!" cried the engineer, "Where have you been?  I've been worried about you."

    "I don't know," said TASA.  "I remember I was flying, and then I was falling and hit the ground."

    "The fall must've damaged your circuits," said the engineer, "I'm so happy you're okay now."

    Meanwhile, the rest of the town was also rejoicing.  "How can we ever repay you?" they said to the Cheshire Cat.

    "Well," said the Cheshire Cat, "I want a red convertible, just like the witch."

    That's impossible," somebody said.  "If you actually spent some time in the rest of the town, and not just the wall, the bakery, and the costume shop, you would know that there are no car factories, and the car factories that are in the rest of Wonderland only make white minivans."

    "Well drats!" thought the Cheshire Cat.  "The witch must've used her magic to make the car.  This calls for Plan B."

    Meanwhile, in the witch's castle, there was no rejoicing at all.  "Curses!" yelled the witch, "Why is it someone has to ruin my plans! I aught to go down there and chop the Cheshire Cat's head off."  So she picked up her axe and stormed out of the castle.  She got in her car and zoomed away, not caring when she ran over a few animals.  She soon came across an obstacle.  "Why did that big tree have to fall onto the road?" said the witch, "It's a good thing a brought my really big axe with me.  I wish that android was still under my control, or I would make him do it, or at least give me my flame-thrower back."

    After a long time the witch was able to make an opening to allow her car through.  But she was tired of chopping and then moving the wood out the way.  She also had saved some of the wood to use in her fireplace and placed them in her trunk.  The witch found a shady spot nearby and laid down to sleep for a while.  Just then the Cheshire Cat came out of nowhere and killed the witch with her own axe.

    "Well then," said the Cheshire Cat, "looks like the car is mine now," and he drove off in his new red convertible.


End file.
